Andrew Crowley

Reporter, Writer and Editor

Pasadena, CA

I am an award-winning writer with a 10-year track record for delivering impactful interviews, articles, and cover stories. Self-motivated and resourceful, I have the capacity to present engaging news stories on a wide variety of topics to a broad audience across various platforms. I am a compelling storyteller with a professional demeaner who values strong research and puts to work strong investigative skills coupled with an ability to develop story ideas based on leads or as assigned by editor.

Andrew Crowley

Reporter, Writer and Editor

Pasadena, CA

Featured
Excerpts from the Diary of Elon Musk
[Editor’s note: We received the text of this document at a dead drop, which Shocker reporter and Indiana Pacers scholar Andrew Crowley was directed to by an anonymous tip. We present it here unaltered.] We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.
The Shocker
Satire Magazine
Featured
What You Need To Know About Food That MF Doom Gets Wrong
A lot of hip-hop guys seem to be really into comic books — kind of weird for guys in a profession where being cool is part of the job description. The Wu-Tang Clan display encyclopedic knowledge of them throughout their ranks: Ghostface Killah goes by Tony Starks, while Method Man is Johnny Blaze.
The Shocker
Satire Magazine
Featured
#AllIvesMatter
This is a period of greater division than any faced by most of us living today. As a nod to that, we at The Shocker believe it’s important to remind everyone one thing: All Ives Matter. What follows is a list of Ives you should know. This is a primer that’s a million times better than anything Vox has crapped out.
The Shocker
Satire
Featured
Space Jam: The True Origin of Small Ball
The Golden State Warriors are copycats of a cartoon basketball team from the collective fantasies of Clintonite America. Space Jam turns 20 years old this week. If you were at the right age, it’s a film you likely hold near and dear to your heart due to the power and glint of nostalgia. I’ve watched it multiple times since 1996.
The Shocker
Satire
Featured
Baal Don’t Lie: Five Pagan Deities And The Players Who Love Them
Superstition is part of the background radiation in the life of a professional athlete. In every sport, there are quirks and peccadilloes that must be followed lest misfortune arrive. Some athletes take this more seriously than others. When conventional deities can’t cut the mustard, they hedge their bets by initiating contact with beings on the fringes of humanity.
The Shocker
Satire
Featured
Bad Hombres Scramble: A Morning-ish Type Egg Treat
It’s the morning after you’ve made a horrible decision. You feel awful physically, spiritually, mentally, and any other possible iteration of fatigue. You made the mistake of tuning into the final presidential debate on last night because you consider yourself an informed citizen. You thought wrong.
The Shocker
Satire
Featured
Team Dreams: Lifes Rich Paul George
The most obvious angle into the 2016–17 Indiana Pacers is an R.E.M. album. The summer of 2016 was marked by two major things: the transformation of the roster of the Indiana Pacers and the 30th anniversary of R.E.M.’s Lifes Rich Pageant, an album recorded at John Cougar Mellencamp’s Belmont Mall Studio in Belmont, Indiana.
The Shocker
Satire Previews
Featured
Team Dreams: Welcome to this Young Orlando Magic Moment
Four years later, Orlando’s Amway Center still felt the presence of departed center Dwight Howard, both in terms of how the big man impacted the franchise and his predilection towards flatulence. Things smelled eerily neutral next to Disneyland. But without proper protective mouth gear, one could still taste the long passed ghosts of Starbursts and Skittles in the air.
The Shocker
Satire
Featured
The Shocker Explains: ALEPPO
Libertarian Presidential candidate Gary Johnson was roundly mocked on various social medias yesterday as if he’d released a pair of ugly sneakers for asking a simple question: what is Aleppo? As Governor of New Mexico, Johnson was concerned with one chile varietal and one chile varietal only: the green hatch chile.
The Shocker
Satire
Featured
Ranking The Tastiness of the Idle Rich For When Cannibalism Returns to Wide Practice
There is a growing sentiment that there is no ethical consumption under late capitalism. We here at The Shocker agree, to a point. But with the towering threats of climate change, economic instability, food insecurity, and a general crumbling of the safety net, as a society we must look ourselves square in the mirror and make the difficult alarmist decision to engage in cannibalism.
The Shocker
Satire
Featured
Shock Top Beer and Their Deplorable Mascot Wedgehead Need To Back Away from The SHOCKER’s Turf
Like vulture capitalist and Supreme Vampire Lord Peter Thiel, they crave young blood. Which is why bigboy brewers like Blue Moon and Shock Top are so keen to snag folks who are young, dumb, and full of exploitable commodities. Not actual craft beers, these buds off the corporate sponge being around is akin to major labels signing indie bands to boutique labels to maintain the illusion of integrity and cool.
The Shocker
Satire

About

Andrew Crowley

Writing

Editing

Music Theory

Social Networking

Social Media

Blogging

Photography

Audio Editing

Copy Editing

Research

Photoshop

Microsoft Office

AP Style

Musicology

Pagination

Adobe Creative Suite

InDesign

Pagination

I was born in Maywood, Illinois and lived in Grants Pass, Oregon until I was three.

Since then, I've lived primarily in Indiana, mostly in the Indianapolis area. I attended Indiana University - Bloomington where I earned a BA in Journalism with a Second Concentration in History and Minors in Music and History.

I attended CUNY- Brooklyn College for graduate school, studying Musicology. I wrote my thesis on The Beach Boys' SMiLE through the lens of outsider art and geek rock.

I have previously freelanced PopMatters, NUVO Newsweekly, The Columbus Republic and The Jewish Exponent.
I was previously the features and education reporter for The Martinsville-Reporter Times. I investigated, researched, attended events, and wrote stories covering three Morgan County school districts. I copy edited and proofread stories and pages; wrote articles and shot (photos); and edited up to three feature stories for weekend edition.
Key Achievements:
• I applied my strong news judgement and collaborative approach to compost stories quickly and accurately.
• I designed pages and built content for the paper’s social page using my technical tools capabilities.
• I achieved nine writing awards during tenure.

Currently I freelance for FanSided writing content for The Step Back, an NBA focused blog.